Garbage in, garbage out

This article about the realities of calorie counting rings incredibly true to me. Calories in, calories out [CICO] is just a modern religion for people who want the world to be exact and measurable and controllable. But it simply isn’t.

I’m diabetic (type 2), and the amount of misinformation and FUD about it are incredibly high. It’s like mental health, when people tell you to just suck it up and exercise and etc. People will say it’s your fault, your diet is bad, you could have prevented it. The reality is that a huge portion of the cause of diabetes is genetics. Diet exacerbates it, but if you have good genes and the worst diet possible, you’re still less likely than somebody who has a familial history with it. Both of my dad’s sisters are, and their mother had it even worse. (And was very skinny.) And note my source isn’t “I want this to be true, so it is”, or a random doctor on the internet. It’s the NIH, as in the government organization canonically responsible for national health. There are actual studies showing the correlation of race and risk of pre-diabetes.

The comments about it being “your fault” from random people you meet are projection. If it’s not your fault, then it could have happened to anyone, including them, which terrifies them. Same with lots of things - mental health, fetishes, homophobia, “the lying media”, corrupt officials. So they sacrifice you over their own comfort; their own psychological safety. Nothing is more important to humans than themselves.

Sorry. The universe doesn’t give a fuck about your psychological - or physical, or mental - safety. People don’t get what they deserve; they get what they get. It’s all just fucking chaos. There’s no more meaning to life than there is meaning to spilling a can of alphabet soup on your kitchen floor and trying to treat it like a manifesto.

But none of that is really my point. I’ve been trying to lose weight my entire adult life - and should have even before that. But it’s been a constant struggle. My diet was bad for a long time, and made worse by my myriad other problems (depression, anxiety, OCD, sleep apnea - all untreated). So now, I’m on about 10 prescriptions. One is for diabetes (metformin, which we all take, as it’s the first line of defense, fairly safe, and cheap - despite every shitty banner ad I get on the internet). In 2018, I lost enough weight and my A1C (average blood sugar over the last 3 months) had dropped enough that my doctor felt comfortable taking me off of it.

Well, that was a mistake. Over the next 6 months, my blood pressure rose, I gained back 30 pounds. A1C rose again. So now I’m back on it. But it was a nightmare, and just made me more depressed, because I was stuck and whatever I did had no affect. If anything, I restricted my diet even more, counted calories every day, was always at a deficit - and it didn’t do any good. I knew, intuitively, that going off of medication was a terrible idea, but even I didn’t realize just how terrible. At that point, I had to just wait until my next check-up to prove I needed to be on it.

So after that, I felt better. It’s like the saying that the happiest a hypochondriac will ever be is if their doctor tells them they’re actually sick. It’s confirmation of something bad, but trying to deny it is worse. I need medication to be on the same playing field as everyone else. Even then, I’m not actually level, but it helps close the gap. And since going back on it a month ago, I’ve lost 5 pounds. I changed my diet slightly; it was already restricted. But I’ve also stopped taking an anti-anxiety/insomnia drug that was causing me appetite problems.

I don’t exercise more. I actually quit going to the gym in November. I haven’t felt well enough to get out of my house much. The most important thing I did was start taking a pill twice a day again. A prescription that’s about $7 for 90 days.

I’m on 3 anti-depressants now. But honestly, the best anti-depressant is finally being able to work towards your goals again. Being stuck and feeling helpless, powerless, make it a lot worse than it should be.

I believe strongly in GMOs and genetic modification. Fix that shit before birth. Stop being babies and act like you’re conscious beings. It’s my personal opinion than no child should ever be born again with a preventable illness. Find the diabetic, cystic fibrosis, Down’s syndrome genes and causes and write them the fuck out of history. Worried that the government won’t let you have blue eyed kids? Fine. Legislate it, prevent it. We live in a society!

Where do we draw the line? How about at “this disease cuts your lifespan in half” or “if you get this you’ll be in pain your entire life” or “sorry, your kid is going to be a retard. We could fix it but you know, GMOs”. No fucking kid should ever have to go through this shit again. And don’t tell me, not that I’ll ever have kids, but still don’t tell me, that my entire bloodline is doomed to have to get blood tests and injections and take pills because you’re scared of the fucking government. You should be scared of them, especially our current one, but that’s not an excuse.

And I’m sick of entitled white ladies whining about “the r word”. Not once in my life have I heard an actually mentally-handicapped person called that. Nor have I ever heard anyone actually say “we should figure out how to stop them from being born like that”. No, just let them lead horrible lives where they can’t do anything for themselves, as long as we don’t hurt their feelings. More projection. You don’t want to think about or deal with them or have to accept that these people exist, and our current plan is for them to keep existing (until the climate is ruined in about 50 years and no people exist), so you try to change the language we use to talk about them to make it “softer” for your pea brain.

As one of my favorite comeback lines I’ve ever heard goes: “go find a real problem”. Like a chronic disease that everyone says you inflicted on yourself.

- Nathan